suddenly

i miss my bike, my boo, my kitty and the city. i have to keep reminding myself that i love this life.

and i do.

limbo

"So this is the new year, and I (most definitely) feel (very) different." -deathcab (madlib)

2010 was a good year. I've probably accomplished the most this past year than I have in my entire life, and my obsessive compulsive disorder made sure that I've been able list all of my accomplishments this year, in chronological order, in my head, over and over again until I could recite it with my eyes closed and hands tied behind my back. Big fuckin' whoop. Now I have the problem of feeling the need and pressure to top it, to make the following years even better, or else I won't be able to forgive myself. So, I was in limbo and decided that moving to the mountains was a good temporary life choice. So what if I don't have the answers to your grilling questions? Are you that certain of your life that I should be of mine? It's been refreshing to come up here, to meet a handful of new people every day, and to realize that most the people who live here were/are just as lost as I am. As comforting as that is though, I'm going to try my best to dedicate this year to making the "correct" and important life changing decisions. After having my entire life, year after year planned out (not by choice), it's become difficult to avidly make decisions that may or may not drastically alter the direction in which my life will go. But I'm dedicated and convinced that by the end of this year I'll be able to say that the year was better than the previous and that the plans I have for the years to follow are even better.

giving thanks

It took me three days of meeting people in Vail to finally meet someone else who is from Denver. Hearing about the journey's people went on, across states and countries, suddenly made my big move seem so trivial. Even so, I missed home before I even left, and my last few days in Denver were sentimentally melancholy, "bittersweet" to be cliché. Ten years it's been since I've lived in Colorado, five years in Denver, and as independently as I thought I had been living, I just now realized how heavily I relied on friends, connections, and family to get me through life. Sure, I'm only an hour and a half, two hours tops, from a familiar place I once called home, but the unfamiliarity of people, the change in lifestyle, this small town subculture, and the great unknown of my future makes me feel like I'm worlds away. I'm grateful for the loved ones in my life..old friends, new friends, family..friends who made plans to visit, parents who are on their way up right now, and all the lovelies who took the time and effort to genuinely wish me luck and good times. It must be thanksgiving. What a coincidence.

this is a great song.

super combo

a fun combination of things I enjoy..
music,
film,
cleaning,
dancing,
attractive man.
:)

same

randomly discovered that these two songs are completely unrelated (except for the fact that they're both classic indie rock bands) but they're basically the same melody.



just thought I'd put that out there.

it's a mystery

What is the appeal of going somewhere for a glass of wine and good company when I could do the same thing at home for half the price and twice the convenience? Is it the lure of being surrounded by strangers as I sit there uncomfortably alone, feeling vulnerable, waiting for a friend to show up? Is it being interrupted by one of those strangers, pretending to be interested as to why I am there, as I sit there sipping on my wine, whilst furiously writing in my book? Or maybe it's eavesdropping on the people around me, listening to their intricate conversations, getting a glimpse into the lives of others, much like looking into the window of someone's home. My voyeuristic tendencies go beyond the practices of looking. Maybe that's why I'm so deeply in love with music. Even odd and unfamiliar foreign music is appealing to me. However, I'm certain I'm not the only one. Why would cozy coffee shops play romantic French, Italian, Spanish music if they didn't think anyone would enjoy it. Whats the appeal of listening to music with lyrics you don't understand? Do people in other countries (who don't speak English, although that's pretty rare nowadays I think) listen to American crap the same way? Or do they play American treasures, the hidden gems in our music, in their quaint coffee shops? Sure, I understand that sometimes it's the music, the instruments, the sound that makes music so amazing to listen to, but sometimes I wonder, if we understood the lyrics to these romantic foreign songs, would they be as good? Or would it be the equivalent of the same ol sappy crap that play on soft rock radio stations here?

Whatever the reason, I'm starting to believe that it's the beauty of the unknown that makes things so appealing..in music, in people, in possibilities, the lyrics to that charming french song, the way soup dumplings are made, the potential of a friendship/relationship, if UFO's are in fact real. I used to be the one to chase after potential, possibilities and mysteries, but recently I've been thinking that maybe some things (not all) are better left undiscovered. Maybe some things are beautiful because it's hard to notice the flaws from afar. Why get to know it if there's no point? I've been thinking a lot about moderating the obsessions in my life, and I'm coming to the conclusion that there are things in life that should probably not be consumed to excess because there's a possibility that you might end up slightly to severely disappointed. Once you figure out that beautiful mystery that drives you crazy in all the right ways, it might end up driving you crazy in all the wrong ways..and nobody wants that.

lethargy

I've been lethargic, indifferent, uninspired.

It's a horrible feeling, yet I have no motivation to change it. This is my sad excuse of an attempt to do anything that involves "creativity."

...Clearly, it's not working.

I have a pattern of indulging in excess. Going beyond sufficient or recommended limits. Many would say that everything in moderation is key. But how about moderation? Everything in moderation including moderation? Moderate moderation? I've over done it and now I'm in search of something else to over do, so I can kill that too.