Sunday, October 17, 2010

it's a mystery

What is the appeal of going somewhere for a glass of wine and good company when I could do the same thing at home for half the price and twice the convenience? Is it the lure of being surrounded by strangers as I sit there uncomfortably alone, feeling vulnerable, waiting for a friend to show up? Is it being interrupted by one of those strangers, pretending to be interested as to why I am there, as I sit there sipping on my wine, whilst furiously writing in my book? Or maybe it's eavesdropping on the people around me, listening to their intricate conversations, getting a glimpse into the lives of others, much like looking into the window of someone's home. My voyeuristic tendencies go beyond the practices of looking. Maybe that's why I'm so deeply in love with music. Even odd and unfamiliar foreign music is appealing to me. However, I'm certain I'm not the only one. Why would cozy coffee shops play romantic French, Italian, Spanish music if they didn't think anyone would enjoy it. Whats the appeal of listening to music with lyrics you don't understand? Do people in other countries (who don't speak English, although that's pretty rare nowadays I think) listen to American crap the same way? Or do they play American treasures, the hidden gems in our music, in their quaint coffee shops? Sure, I understand that sometimes it's the music, the instruments, the sound that makes music so amazing to listen to, but sometimes I wonder, if we understood the lyrics to these romantic foreign songs, would they be as good? Or would it be the equivalent of the same ol sappy crap that play on soft rock radio stations here?

Whatever the reason, I'm starting to believe that it's the beauty of the unknown that makes things so music, in people, in possibilities, the lyrics to that charming french song, the way soup dumplings are made, the potential of a friendship/relationship, if UFO's are in fact real. I used to be the one to chase after potential, possibilities and mysteries, but recently I've been thinking that maybe some things (not all) are better left undiscovered. Maybe some things are beautiful because it's hard to notice the flaws from afar. Why get to know it if there's no point? I've been thinking a lot about moderating the obsessions in my life, and I'm coming to the conclusion that there are things in life that should probably not be consumed to excess because there's a possibility that you might end up slightly to severely disappointed. Once you figure out that beautiful mystery that drives you crazy in all the right ways, it might end up driving you crazy in all the wrong ways..and nobody wants that.

Monday, October 4, 2010


I've been lethargic, indifferent, uninspired.

It's a horrible feeling, yet I have no motivation to change it. This is my sad excuse of an attempt to do anything that involves "creativity."

...Clearly, it's not working.

I have a pattern of indulging in excess. Going beyond sufficient or recommended limits. Many would say that everything in moderation is key. But how about moderation? Everything in moderation including moderation? Moderate moderation? I've over done it and now I'm in search of something else to over do, so I can kill that too.