ben

I biked home furiously from the hi dive, on the first chilly night this summer had seen, feeling my face freeze from the speed at which I was going combined with the brisk breeze, reflecting on one of the more heartfelt shows I've been to all year. Sure it was a small show. There were only a handful of people wandering in and out, having meaningful and meaningless conversations with one another, as I stood there from start to finish. There were so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind as my heart beat in my chest and up against the strap of my side satchel purse, but during my bike home, all I could think about was how he thanked me with such modest and humble humility when I told him how much I enjoyed his show. There's nothing like experiencing a show of someone you've never heard before and being reminded of so many different moments and people throughout a forty five minute to an hour span. I stood there up against the wall where the cool breeze was the strongest in the indoor venue as his music took me down memory lane. It reminded me of my dad, and how I used to snuggle up next to him on the couch and watch his favorite dvd, The Eagles Farewell Tour, while he sipped on a glass of Johnny Walker Red on the rocks. He stood up there, face against the harsh lighting, eyes closed because the lights were so bright or because he was so into the music, but either way, I felt like a small town country girl with sun kissed dirty blonde hair in a summer sun dress. That's when I know the music's good, is when it makes me feel like someone/something I clearly am not. His cover of Wonderwall reminded me of my brother, who introduced me to Oasis when I was 10 and I remembered when we used to blast that song in our family's new Land Cruiser, parked in the garage of the small house we called home, at 1am. It also took me back to a few days prior to the show, when I attempted to play the rewritten version of the song to Max and told him about the time my three close friends and I rewrote that song about going to the Aurora Mall back when we were in high school. Why is it that I felt the need to write down all the emotions I felt, but when it came to writing it all down I couldn't remember? All I know is that, on this particular night, I kept to myself. I shelved my social interactions for the night and stood there to enjoy the music, and I did, I really did.